I just hope they don't get too hurt or damaged after all is said and done. It will be most irresponsible for me to let go of my own shit in order to control other people's lives.Īnd so I let go, and after giving whatever advice and information I have, allow these people to make their own decisions and mistakes. I mean, comics is my Holy Scripture, what's another fictional bullshit for me to follow? I still believe in the samurai ethos, the delusions of honour and integrity and whatever the fuck. However, at the end of the day, it is not my life to live, and I still have my own responsibilities which I am carrying out. I wanted to go and make it all right again. Knowing that some people I care about are in danger or experiencing trouble has been quite frustrating. They romanticised the role and honour of samurais, according to the studies, to project an image of integrity and pride. I believed that being a samurai means that if I set out to do something, I would die first before failing.Īccording to some scholars, The Book of Five Rings - the very basis for the samurai ethics and principle - was a lie concocted by literate samurais during the Tokugawa rule to continue getting money from the Japanese Government. Limits to my capabilities, limits to my involvement with people.īecause of my superhero dementia, I used to think that if I want to help people, I must commit 100%. One of this year's great revelations and realisations for me is that I cannot save everyone. I guess that part of growing up, is knowing that there is a limit as to what you can do for people. Semua orang boleh membuat keputusan mereka sendiri. Yang aku kisahkan hanyalah diri dan tanggungjawab aku. Hari ini, pada masa sekarang, aku sudah tidak mengambil kisah tentang hal-hal remeh dan orang picisan. Kelak, sampai ke tua hidup dalam kecelakaan yang dibina atas tabiat sendiri. Aku pastikan yang aku sentiasa berterus-terang dengan diri sendiri.īahaya menipu diri sendiri. Perkara paling berguna adalah berdepan dengan diri sendiri. Dan aku terus belajar selepas aku habis meninggalkan semua benda itu. Aku membayar RM5250 untuk tiga kursus yang berlangsung selama lima bulan.īanyak yang aku belajar, sebenarnya. Kemudian semasa kolej dan sebelum melangkah ke alam kerja, aku menghadiri kem motivasi terulung. Knocking on the gates of hell.Īku mula menghadiri kem-kem motivasi sejak umur aku 13 tahun.ĭi sekolah menengah, aku melalui ceramah, kem, BTN dan apa saja bertalu-talu selama lima tahun. There is nothing that I fear, other than Fear Itself. Smoke more cigarettes and write more stories.
So yeah, I am taking leave to actually do more work. Whenever this happens, I approach them not as people, but as entities, elements in the project I am in. At some point in these two weeks, I would have to deal with people - my family, for instance - and manage their bullshit emotions. So excuse me for two weeks as I turn off my humanity and embrace the machine side of myself. If there were no people in the world, everyone can get more shit done. 99% of time is spent on managing people as well as their emotion. Lie all you want, but emotion is a luxury you can't afford. I sometimes use emotion as a fuel, but the side effects are worse than the benefits. unless it is essential to a project, emotion is unnecessary and simply bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. It will bury you, so you have to watch that. Focus is essential.Īnd then, there is bullshit. The key to doing a lot of things at the same time is NOT to do it all at the same time.
Anything that involves monkey work, I hate. I'm best at solving problems of the creative kind. And the more projects I pile on, my brain gets fried and I get tired. I get depressed when I'm not on multiple projects. I would love to just focus on one thing, but the reality is, I'm like a shark. As I grow older, my time is becoming more and more limited. I also need some space and time to make some decisions. I want to rest a bit, and also catch up on my work.